These Games We Play

Each day that passes makes something more and more clear to me: I'm tired of playing these games. I mean, come on. I am too damn old for this shit. Everyone seems so wrapped up in it and I just don't want to participate anymore. Some people seem to be forever stuck in high school...

I'm tired of being the type of friend that babies the person and tries to make everything seem better. In some cases I can handle that job, but really, people have a lot of those kinds of friends. I'm not that type of person and I don't do the comforting bit well at all. I'm the person who sits down and tells you the cold hard truth and will talk about it honestly with you (adding humor to avoid making it too serious or hard). I don't want to sugarcoat it. This causes a lot of problems with people because they think you're being cruel, mean or insensitive. The fact is there has to be someone there to say, "Hey. It might not get better. Get a grip and let's deal with it." They don't need the "It's okay/fine" people all the time.

The best example I can come up with right now involves my friend, Pam. When I was in a very unhealthy relationship Pam didn't baby me or make it soft in any way. She said flat out that I was being naive and the girl was cheating on me, using me and I needed to get out immediately. My feelings were hurt and I ignored her advice, but looking back on it now it was exactly what I needed.

Years ago, my best friend in Kentucky was married to a guy that was not right for her. He wasn't nice to her and she was unhappy. I knew this, but I couldn't say anything. I was afraid to approach her about it out of fear of losing her as my friend. In the end she got divorced when it got too bad to handle.

I refuse to let that happen again. I refuse to stand by as people listen to everyone say, "Oh, it's okay," and "It'll work out," or "Things will change," when the possibility it might not is there. There comes a time when someone has to say "This isn't healthy" or "Some things don't change." If it costs me losing that person as a friend, that's just fine. If a little honesty is all it takes to lose a friend then what do I need them for anyway?