Punishment

I have this tendency to shut people out of my life when they say or do something that really bothers me. Now, it has to be something pretty big to make this happen. Sometimes it seems small, but in my mind it's a big deal. I've done this before and some people have come back to my world and some are gone for good.

When I was younger I would shut people out of my life who treated me like/or said the things that the kids in my high school taunted me with. That was the cause of several shut-outs.

I find myself on the verge of another shut-out and it happened so suddenly. Normally I wouldn't mention the details of the confrontation, but I don't know how to explain my feelings without it.

I have this friend I met online several months ago and I consider her a pretty good friend. I don't think many days have gone by without us communicating in some way. We have a very honest relationship where we say what we think and joke about it. But, today during an innocent text message conversation it all got warped.

It started by me asking if she was okay. (There was a horrible accident on the Interstate that involved "two semis, four or five cars, and an ambulance" so I was checking to make sure she wasn't involved.) She was fine and she was at a restaurant with her boyfriend. She said there was a couple there that looked like Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker and that her boyfriend didn't know who they were. I said I thought Tammy Faye was very inspirational (she has her past, yes, but we all do -- since her more recent cancer struggle I have a deep respect for her -- check out her book I Will Survive... And You Will Too!) and she started making some jokes. I said she had cancer and she said something about it probably being skin cancer (makeup joke, I'm assuming) and I said that it was lung cancer and then she said something that upset me deeply. She said that cancer can be a punishment from God to people.

Now, this hit me on several different levels. First, and most obvious, is both my parents died from cancer. Were they being punished? Second is that Mrs. Bakker (now Messner) is currently under the care of hospice and trying to hang on. I know what it's like to watch someone under care of hospice and I cannot compare the image of watching someone die this awful death with the idea it is God's punishment. That is BULLSHIT.

So, now I'm not sure how to handle this. I ended the conversation for the night just to get away from it before it got worse. I can understand her side (to a point) and so I don't hold her to blame. She's only sharing her opinion. But, at the same time, I just cannot tolerate that kind of thinking. That's the type of thing my aunt thinks and I have to force myself to listen to some of the things she says (my mind tries to shutdown during a lot of our conversations - especially when the Norman Vincent Peale and Dr. Phil one-liners start coming). It makes me sad that my respect for my friend is less than it was before. It makes me sad that this bothers me. It makes me sad that people think a disease is a punishment.

Sigh.