Bittersweet

I'm really torn. I want a relationship, I want to hold the girl I love in my arms. I want that magic. But at the same time I don't want it. The hardest part is to get into a relationship. It's like selling yourself. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'm also worried that I'll be cheated on again. So, when each potential relationship comes up, I back off quickly. And it looks strange to the girls, because I "chase" them, then when they seem to reciprocate, I run for shelter. I want a relationship and then I don't. I guess I'm just afraid. I'm afraid to get as deep as I did last time and have it all blow up in my face.

So, speaking of last time... I got a text message yesterday morning from my ex-girlfriend's girlfriend. She was worried that my ex was cheating on her like she did with me (bad grammar). I sent back a little message saying I didn't care to discuss it. I mean, what did she expect? Me to offer some advice or sympathy to the girl that stole my girlfriend? Come on. Anyway, it ruined a perfectly fine day. It has been over two months since the breakup, so I was surprised to receive a message.

A friend of mine is going through a really hard time, so I spent yesterday with her just hanging out. Sometimes we need to just get away from our problems and pains. I was glad I could offer that to someone.

On a somewhat brighter note, one of the most beautiful girls I've had the pleasure to "know" said she'd consider dating me if we didn't live so far apart. This is a good thing, I suppose. She's way out of my league. She's beautiful inside and out... incredibly smart and talented. But, the downside is that I know it'd never work. She knows it, too. She says she's not my type... And the distance is a problem. I won't argue it because I know it wouldn't work. She's the dream... She has everything. It takes a special kind of guy to get someone like her, and that isn't me. What could I possibly offer?

Good times, bad times. Everything is bittersweet.