Relationship Confessional

Okay, so I want to take a moment to rant about fears of future relationships.

Distance scares me. Not emotional distance, but physical distance. My last relationship had a distance of 45 minutes and it didn't work out well. To be fair, she did lie and cheat. So, now I'm left with the trust issues. Can I trust someone who lives far away? Maybe it would depend on the person. I'm not sure, but that's one thing that scares me.

The other is a bit more specific to the Internet match sites I have participated in. If I meet someone and want to meet them in person, then the risks are huge. What if I go to meet her and she sees me and immediately dislikes me? Sure, there are pictures, but pictures don't tell everything. What if she's just turned off by me? What if we don't click? So many fears and insecurities.

Then the next question is speed. How fast do you go in a relationship? Everyone says relationships need to be taken slow and that does make sense... But, at the same, everyone has been wrong before, so why trust them on this?? If you feel so deep into it, why restrain yourself? Why not run with it? People will question it, but what do they know?

What if the girl I find is not interested in a committed relationship? A serious, caring relationship? What if she's not interested in a long-term relationship?

I have this image in my head... No matter what the day brings, knowing I'd be spending the night with this person I love and knowing it will all be okay. Bringing flowers home for no reason at all... Just to see her smile. Being able to hold her for hours on end with no worries. Time passing by and us not noticing. Spending time with each other and the rest of the world just fades away. This deep, consuming love. Sharing a life with someone... Forever. Not just a day. Not just a week. Forever (does forever exist anymore?). Knowing that you will conquer all the challenges life has to offer with this person. Trusting the person so much you could say anything. Having an understanding where you don't have to say a word to express yourself. Where a kiss is so passionate it sends chills up your spine.

Is this just some romantic dream or can it be achieved? Am I already on my way to this? Is it there for the taking and all I have to do is start the ball rolling?