Allowances

So, you know you've become conceited when you start quoting yourself. After I put up a lot of my poems on the poem site, I decided I would read through some of the ones I don't remember so well. I began reading one I wrote a couple of years ago called "I Understand." A few lines of this poem struck me:

"I've allowed my abuse//I've built up a wall//To hide all the truth" and "I've allowed the chains."

I began thinking about how, even two years ago, I was becoming aware of my part in what my life is (I'm still continuing this journey of truth and will forever -- I got a late start, so I need to move fast). We (and I mean this as EVERYONE) blame others for various things that have happened in our lives. It's just a force of habit, I suppose. But, really, we do play a part in the affect we allow others to hold over us. I have been fucked up by the best of them, but I've allowed it to happen. When I could have walked away, I stayed and took it. I even took a moment or two to throw some knives of my own. Sure, these people have left their marks on me, but I played my own part in the game. And, I don't have to allow it to scar me as badly. I'm stronger than the past. The tricky part is getting myself to believe this, and then move forward.