Problem

It's time to get serious. I have a problem. They say admitting it is the first step, so here we go. I'm living a life of excess.

I have an eating disorder that I have been nurturing since I was in high school. I go a day or more without eating then I binge eat all day long. This morning I went to McDonald's to get breakfast and I got two orders of biscuits and gravy and two chicken biscuits. The morning before that I got three chicken biscuits. Then I fill myself with sweets and other crap.

I am back to drinking excessive amounts of Mello Yello. I'll drink eight or more cans a day. This has been going on on-and-off for over five years now. The damages it has done to my body are plenty. The weight gain is obvious. My teeth have paid the price (I'm getting ready to have about 12 teeth capped). And I don't even want to think about what damages have been done internally.

I spend way too much money. This week alone I've spent over $230 on unnecessary purchases. This is nowhere near a record for me, but it's still a very, very, very bad thing.

There are some days where I will sleep for 16 hours... This is also a very bad thing.

All these things are textbook depression side effects and I'm trying to get control over it, but the more I fight for control the more I fall behind. I need support, but sometimes I feel so alone.

Sometimes I just want to ask everyone: Do I matter? Have I affected you in any way? Do you care? I need all the support I can get right now, from anyone (people in my past, people in my present)... A kind word goes a long way.