Inspirational?

In the time I've been writing this blog I have received a lot of comments from various people. Happily I confess the overwhelming majority has been positive. The things I get comments on are usually my honesty or me being inspirational. I think it's this last one that causes me the most problems.

A few people have told me what an inspiration I have been to them. How my honesty and view has affected them in some small way. I love this, and believe me, it's the greatest compliment I feel I could ever receive. To know I have inspired someone through my words is incredible. It makes everything worthwhile to know I have touched someone with this small, insignificant blog. But the problem is it can be overwhelming. Since people have said these wonderful things about me, I begin to feel like I have to continually live up to their praises. I notice myself begin to hold back some things sometimes when I start writing. I feel like if I were to write this or that, it'd ruin the "image" of being inspirational. And then the idea of writing about something so trivial as my day at work seems like I'm letting people down.

Now, again, I want to emphasize that the greatest compliments I will ever receive in this life are about me inspiring them. This lights up my world. It can be a small inspiration, it can be a large inspiration. Just knowing you can touch someone's heart, mind or soul with letters from a keyboard sent out over wires is magical. I love that some people see me as inspirational, but with being seen this way, it seems to open up a lot of ways to let people down.

I've gotten a lot of comments on my honesty. The fact I just put myself out there for all the world to read is amazing to some. And stupid to others. That I hold very little back concerns and shocks them. I like this about myself and this blog, but I do see how it can bother some people. My therapist has expressed some concern at this honest approach I have. All I know is that it makes me feel real. I had never really begun to live or feel any form of real, sincere happiness until I began to tell all. When you have very little to hide or weigh you down the world appears to be a slightly brighter place. My honesty throws people for a loop sometimes and I'd be lying if I said that didn't please me. I believe honesty is important. I believe that it opens up more than your past, it opens up your soul. I believe my major inspiration in the honesty approach is Melissa Etheridge. Her autobiography is so brutally and painfully honest I was left speechless. How a person could write these things about their life, family, etc. etc. just amazed me... And to put it out there where her family would read what she said about them, and where the public would read about her dark past, the good and bad. It blew me away. It was then I realized honesty was my way to go. It may not be the best way to go for everybody, but for myself, it's the only way that works.

And so, whether you consider me an inspiration or a heathen. Innocent or guilty. A waste of flesh or someone worth knowing. Whatever you think, it doesn't matter. The words are what matter. And if they affect you in any form whatsoever (fury, love, inspiration, hate, curiosity, laughter), then I've accomplished all I needed to.