Complete Honesty

Okay, so there is very little I actually like about myself. However, I do pride myself on my honesty. I try to be as brutally honest as I can without hurting someone's feelings. But I feel like I haven't been completely honest lately. And, so, I want to take a minute to be honest.

I was lied to thoroughly and it hurts like hell. But, I can't break down. I can't be weak or show the weakness. There is no one in my world that can drop everything in their life and be my shoulder, so I have to soldier on. I am not allowed to be weak. People get strange when I show weakness. I'm the comic relief and the comic relief cannot be the one crying.

And the other "incident" in my life that occurred a little over a year ago, which many people know about, but some do not. This is something I have not addressed directly and I'm not about to now. What happened in May 2005 is not something I am hiding. I am not ashamed of it, nor would I change all that happened if I could. After it happened and the rumors and accusations were flying, I was open about it all. No one asked, though. That's the hardest part. People knew, but they wouldn't approach me and mention it. At that time I had a large number of people in my world I was somewhat close to. But after "the incident" I lost about 75% of those people. I'm going to have to quote Elizabeth Taylor on this one: "You find out who your real friends are when you're involved in a scandal." People abandoned me when the allegations came up without knowing the facts (and there was more to the case than was presented to the public and spread around by gossip). I am very open about this issue when asked about it, but I will not directly approach what happened in this "public" forum.

These are two things I needed to mention as I felt not mentioning them was a lie by omission. I have been pretty open about everything else in my life (politics, religion, mental illness, suicidal tendencies, etc.)... As I said earlier, I have little I can pride myself on other than my honesty. So, here I am, world, like it or not.