Time

So, I took my mid-term for my personal finance class (which totals to 30% of the final grade for the class, according to the syllabus) and I passed with a, drumroll please, 100%! That's right, my lovable midgets, a 100%. I couldn't believe it either, and after I finished the test, the teacher gave us the answer key to grade it ourselves and after looking it over, I handed it back to him and said, "You grade it." He said, "Why? You don't want to?" I said, "No, I just don't trust myself." And, yes, I had a 100%. I can get enough of saying it... 100%, 100%, 100%.

Okay, something I've been wanting to mention for a while... these word verification things to post comments, does anyone else find them annoying? I mean, yes, they do keep those pesky advertisers from leaving their links with those patronizing "Great blog" messages. But, really they're all squiggly and run together. You can't tell rn from m... it's just very tiring to leave messages... I know I've given up on a couple after just not having the desire to type 7 letters that I have to decipher to leave a message saying "That's funny."

And, as I've mentioned in the past few posts, I am still thinking of my lost love. I am doing this for a reason, and I am typing it for a reason. I must keep it in my mind to drive it out. Does that make sense? I've tried ignoring it and just trying to move on, but that left me suicidal for nearly a week. So, the other choice is to deal with it; and to deal with it, I need to think about it. It's scary, and depressing, but is providing great inspiration in my writing. It hurts a lot, but I know I must deal with it. I will go down fighting for that innocence to love I once had. Oh, the truth does hurt, after all, doesn't it?

Some choice lyrics from Bonnie Raitt's song "I Don't Want Anything to Change" that suits my feelings for my beloved: "Sleepless nights aren't so bad. I'm staying up, I'm staying sad. I don't want anything to change. I like it lonely, I like it strange. I can feel you fading, but until you're gone I'm taking all the time I can borrow. The getting over is waiting, but I won't move on. And I'm gonna wanna feel the same tomorrow. The truth is right outside, but for the moment it's best denied. And I don't want anything to do with what comes after you."

I love her with everything in my being, I do, but I know the pain was not created by her... the pain was created by me and is being maintained by me. I am the keeper of my pain and it's time I realized other alternatives. Maybe I'm holding on out of fear of being alone again? As if somehow the pain of not having her is enough of a being for me to feel as if someone is here? Or, maybe there's some power of fate stepping in and saying, "Move this way." A guiding force decided upon by Karma and our own inner minds? Who knows.

An Emmylou Harris lyric says it best, I suppose: "Sorrows are constant and the joys are brief. Seasons come and bring no sweet relief. Time is a brutal but a careless thief. Takes our lot but leaves behind the grief."