Let's Talk About Sex

Sex has always been a tough subject for me to discuss. There are probably many reasons for this, one of which may be the fact I don’t enjoy sex. I like everything leading up to it and everything after it, but it’s the during I just don’t like. I just feel sex is overrated.

This could be caused by the way I was raised. My father was what many people would call a “womanizer.” He enjoyed women and… well, enjoyed many of them. I know there were many times that he had more than one girlfriend at a time. These women would come over and they’d go back to his bedroom and shut the door. It was a while before I figured out what was going on. The sexuality was just thrown in my face constantly which led to my own experimentation.

Now, I know all kids go through the hormone-crazed years, but I believe I was extra-charged. It probably started somewhere around 7 and lasted until 14 or 15. There were many girls and there was a lot of kissing and fondling mixed with a few facts I am less than proud of. It was definitely spurred on by watching my father’s behavior and, in the end, all of this skewed my view of sex and intimate moments.

Also, when I was young, I’m not sure how old, but probably around 6 or 7, I would stay with a woman that would watch me after school. One evening I was there and her grandson (I believe it was her grandson, I could be wrong) took me up to his attic room and put in a videotape. The videotape showed a woman giving a blowjob to a man. I can still recall some of the video and I recall him saying something like “and when I come back I want you to do that to me” before leaving the room. I’ve never spoken or written about this, because, well, it always seems very pointless. I don’t think anything happened. It may have, I may have blocked it out, but I seem to think my dad arrived to pick me up before anything could happen. Who knows? But the fact I can still remember the video and the moment is proof that it left something of a scar.

I just don’t enjoy sex. I’m not interested in sex. I don’t like to discuss sex. I like the intimacy, but the action of sex itself just doesn’t do it for me. I also hate mushrooms. I wonder what deep scar I have that caused that issue? Perhaps I need to delve further?