Growth

I've been continuing my personal growth. As I said in a previous post it doesn't matter what I have done, thought, or said in the past, it only matters what I say think and do now. The trick here is not forgiving yourself for your past, as I have tried to do. This is wrong, and I spent a long time learning this lesson. Why should we have to forgive ourselves for our past? No, after thinking it over, the real trick is to own our past. I'm not going to regret a single thing I have done in my past. I will not let people throw the bad decisions of my past back up in my face. I am who I am now. Everything and every event is a step of growth.

Another big step is to let go of anger or bitterness. I've had many people in my life who I should be angry at (hell, who I have a right to be angry at), but I have to accept it for what it is, and who they are. I have nothing against anyone. People have hurt me, I've hurt others. That's just how people are. What's the point in holding on to some useless anger. It takes too much energy to put forth any negative emotions toward others.

I'm letting go of the negativity, because it is actually affecting my physical self. After the family situation a few posts back, I've been quite ill, physically ill. I've spent much of the past two days in bed. So, I have to cope with it and let go of any anger and the negative forces in my life (be they people, actions, or thoughts), not only for my spiritual well being, but for my health.

I am owning up to who I am and what I believe. Why should I feel guilty for things I believe or think? Why should I sit down and be depressed over something I've done? I did it, I have to accept it and go on. I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't want to be. I'm accepting my flaws, even enjoying my flaws. We humans are complicated, and what we do, I believe, is try to oversimplify ourselves by thinking we are good or bad for decisions we have made. We do what we do. We either accept who we are or we're damned to ourselves.