Affirmations à la DeGeneres

To help better the people of the world, I feel it my duty to pass on the wisdom of others. I thought the best way to do this would to be sharing some daily affirmations. In comedian Ellen DeGeneres' book My Point Is... And I Do Have One... she includes several daily affirmations that I strongly believe in and suggest to you:

• I mean for my hair to look like this.
• I look good in bell bottoms.
• I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout.
• I bet nobody knows I'm crazy.
• The Great Spirit smiles on me. On me and only me. The Great Spirit hates everybody else. We're best friends.
• I don't need to exercise. I have the perfect shape.
• I look good with back hair
• I sing better than Bonnie Raitt. I have as many Grammys as Bonnie Raitt. I am Bonnie Raitt.
• It's not important to know what everybody else seems to know.
• If I put my mind to it, I could do anything. I just don't feel like putting my mind to something. So there.
• I've fallen and I can't get up.
• I can come up with better affirmations than these.

And my personal favorite, and one I say to myself in the mirror daily for a happier inner feeling:

• I am the world's tallest midget.